The Rabbit's Gift
By: Jessica Vitalis / Narrated By: Curt Bonnem, Emily Rankin
Length: 6 hrs and 13 mins
Disgusting. Reprehensible. Inspires Extreeeeme Regurgitation in the Mouth…
6-hours…
13-minutes…
I can never get aaaaallll that time back, neither can I get the sick feeling outta my stomach, the horrific imagery outta my brain. Thanks oodles, author Jessica Vitalis, for making me fear for my gender with what you have crafted to twist young minds.
I thought I was being a trifle hard on Vitalis as I was mulling over what to write this morning, so I jaunted over to see what other Reviewers said. And? Oh my good golly gosh: They LOVED it! Raaaaved about it! Thought it was a clever way to discuss Birth with Middle Grade Listeners. In a fanciful make-believe way, cuz, ya know, why respect them, their intelligence, their curiosity. Nope, better to twist up a story whereby Rabbits deliver cabbages to people so that said cabbages can grow into babies.
I mean, Whatthehell?!?
Okay, first off: Nooooo Middle Grade Listener is THAT stupid. This totally reads for itty bitty kidlets, as they have no qualms about things like: Vitalis’s writing skills are aTROcious.
Further, this goes waaaaay into crossing a very distinct line I woulda HOPED was there. Namely, that females are capable of soooo much more than yearning for babies for fulfillment, that females are capable of treating each other with dignity, that females aren’t pissant losers who steal, lie, run away, threaten to get their way.
We have TOTALLY good things about us, dammit, and Vitalis totally mucks it up for our entire gender, dang her.
What it is: Starting loooooow on character arcs, Rabbit Quincy is too big for his britches, wants what his brother has, is quick to take offense, and lies and steals to try to make a name for himself. Fleurine is a little girl who, as the daughter of a Mama Bigwig, feels lonely and that too much is thrust upon her. Sooooo, she decides a baby, a little sister, would be Just The Thing to fill the void in her life, and so she swipes a Cabbage, drags her poor maid along with her, this young woman who neeeeeds her job and is terrified of losing it should she lose Fleurine.
Naturally, since Vitalis is writing down to her intended audience, what with concepts such as Babies Come From Cabbages And Are Delivered By Rabbits, and Isn’t It Good To Steal? both our >ICK< …heroes… have grand epiphanies whereby they realize that p’raps they’ve been going about Life in a Jolly Rotten Way. And POW! Done, character arc complete with a single lightbulb moment, and then?
It’s all wrapped up in a neat bow, with favors descending from the sky and the gods and whomever (Just NOT by the characters getting creative, thinking through things creatively, getting input from more knowledgeable individuals). Nope, Sis Boom BAH, magic wand waved, all problems solved. That waste and rotting are part of the solution? That our heroes get EVERYthing they want, after such incredibly reprehensible behavior? That hearts are mended at the expense of Cabbages Withering and Dying, Doomed To Disability?
Vitalis has no problem with that. She loooooves what she’s written, is quite pleased that, where she once wrote about Death, she now is writing about Birth.
CABBAGES!!!
Okay, let’s just go to narration, cuz even more of my life is trundling on as I spend time pondering this disgusting atrocity… Curt Bonnem as Quincy the Rabbit just grates on the ears with his scratchy cutesy voice for him. Emily Rankin as Fleurine. Good enough, but the text was soooo HORRIFYING that Rankin could NOT make me feel even an iota of sympathy, could NOT make me wanna refrain from throttling the wretched git.
No redeeming qualities.
Terrifyingly asinine and misguided.
6-hours… 13-minutes…
WASTED!
As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.