The Pig Did It
Series: The Pig Trilogy, Book 1
By: Joseph Caldwell / Narrated By: Chris Patton
Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
Oh what a surprise! Grinned, chuckled, laughed till I cried…!
Lemme just preface this all with saying that I dove into The Pig Did It withOUT reading the Publisher’s Summary—Huzzah for me! Therefore, I had noooo idea what I was in for and, as such, I’ll try to limit my summary part so that you might be as surprised and delighted as I was. And if you find it on Audible? Well, my friend, ignore like the PLAGUE the paltry 2.9-Star rating! I mean, I dunno what all audiobook/story they were listening to, but the story I got was as danged near 5-Stars as it gets. Only the fact that the narration had to be cranked up to x1.4 speed kept it from being a near perfect Listen.
Let’s start with the narration: At first, I thought Chris Patton’s voice was going to be too smooth, as it seemed like there might not be much he’d be able to add in the way of inflection, tho’ right off the bat he was good with emphasis and such. But oh. my. GOD! This story is of a dejected/rejected New Yorker visiting his aunt in Ireland, so aside from NY-er Aaron McCloud, every single other person is Irish. And Patton wound up flashing between his own American accent and bouncing, wallowing (Pig pun intended) in the Irish blarney of a multitude of main and supporting characters with such joyous, such wondrous ease! His narration of characters’ soliloquies had me in stitches!
Reviewers called this “Overwritten” and oh my dear Accomplice, it soooo totally was, but in the most hiLARious of ways. Aaron, after having his attentions not so much spurned by a young college student of his as quite simply not noticed, flies off to Ireland so that he might fling himself into the depths of his despair and self-pity whilst amongst the cliffs and tragic scenery of that land. Once there, a bit of a fracas with a herd of pigs leaves one who’s decided that Aaron is quite possibly: It! When this inquisitive pig digs up the skeletal remains of Declan Tovey in Aunt Kitty McCloud’s cabbage patch, and when she and the pig’s undeclared owner (And super beguiling and sexy) Lolly along with Sweeney, member of a long blood-feuding family get together, they’ve ALL got reasons for being THE person who killed Declan.
Following me so far? Okay, the rest of the book is the absolutely most gloriously verbose writing/story imaginable. Each of these characters wax oh so poetically about just about everything, from Declan Tovey loving Kitty, about Declan Tovey loving Lolly, about Declan Tovey being the absolute best friend Sweeney ever had. There are phrases such as: “And din’t he, now, hold me face in his hand like the Lord’s own chalice?” The writing is quite simply tooooo much! Kitty, Lolly, and Sweeney go on and on and on whenever they get to a subject that suits their fancy—It’s glorious!
And when Aaron undertakes a game of darts in a pub, getting very very very drunk indeed, author Joseph Caldwell has us on the edge of our seats, because will he “double-out” or will he fail? A hush falls, the room holds its breath, Aaron sways drunkenly and looks in the mirror to see if Lolly is watching him or is watching the gentleman who looks like the Pig Come to Life. Caldwell makes the smallest of details, the most mundane of activities into breathless life or death situations. And drat it all if the whole murder and the chaos that follows doesn’t keep interrupting his complete and absolute resolve to live in the depths of despair! And drat it all if the Sea doesn’t want to take him into a watery grave. And drat it all if the pig doesn’t get into the grave not once, not twice, but a LOT, always at inopportune moments, say, when the police are around and are haggling about a skeletal knuckle bone being a holy relic (“It’s FAITH!” one cries to the other. “It’s FISH!” the other cries right back).
This audiobook is a treat and a treasure, but I s’pose listen to the sample to kinda sorta get a feel for the writing style. Me? I found it all just so over the top, each character quirky, devious, each KNOWING the OTHER killed poor Declan. And ooooh “The Pig Is In The Grave!” becomes the funniest two scenes I’ve encountered in such a very long while. My husband hears me chuckle to myself quite often as I’m so terribly addicted to audiobooks and the experiences therein. But he was flabbergasted at just how many times I guffawed and squealed with delight, howled with laughter.
Whatever you do, if you do indeed decide to give this little gem a try, do NOT take it so seriously. Bask in the glow of bombastic characters preening about their prowess or casting deadly aspersions against each other. Listen to them as they do unspeakably inconsiderate things to the corpse of Dear Old Declan Tovey. And wonder if Aaron will ever ever EVER get a chance to self-flagellate in peace and without interruptions.
Oh my goodness. Have I raved enough?
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