The Blessing of Sorrow: Turning Grief into Healing
By: Rabbi Ben Kamin / Narrated By: Alan Taylor
Length: 5 hrs and 26 mins
Forever grateful that I listened to this at just the right time
If you signed up to be an Audiobook Accomplice, then you get the newsletter. If you get the newsletter, you’ll know that prior to Thanksgiving 2019 my good and lovely girl, The Miss, had been featured as she’d been ailing.
Anyone who’s ever loved someone ailing and doing increasingly poorly will probably know close to what I’d been feeling (I only use the words “close to” as we’re all individuals, just getting by as best we can, tucked neatly and firmly into these flawed vessels we call bodies), the rollercoaster my mind and emotions were on. At times I thought too much; at times it was difficult to find any thoughts at all.
Enter, at this perfect time, The Blessing of Sorrow by Rabbi Ben Kamin, ably narrated by Alan Taylor (Tho’ I do believe he wasn’t able to capture the warmth, the sweet pathos that the Rabbi probably uses as part of his arsenal to help the dying and bereaved).
Yes, I found the book Walking Each Other Home by Ram Dass and Mirabai Bush inspiring after losing Missy, especially the latter part of the book, but for what I needed as I navigated the day to day chores and obligations, all whilst juggling hope, terror, sorrow? The Rabbi’s book really spoke to me the most. As it offers words of assistance as we have to sometimes sit by and watch someone we love on their journey Home… i.e. They’re DYING, and we can’t do a danged thing about it…! it comes very close to being a great guidebook on how to act, what to say, how to reframe what could be awful thoughts and turn them into understanding we can integrate into our minds and souls. It’s the Ultimate Guide to the Ultimate Prepping.
Just listening to stories of how different people handle their looming deaths, of seeing how the way they lived is probably the way they’re going to go out was so appreciated. I don’t wanna be the jerk who feels that God or the World or SOMEone is out to get me, that somehow I deserve more than the next person because x, y, or z; I’d rather be the person who finds grace, comfort, and gifts all around myself. Let’s face it; I wanna go out of this life grateful and acknowledging the wonders I’ve been given. I may not’ve had the best childhood (Actually, it was awful!), but I want to acknowledge that it gave me every weird quirk that has benefited me. Plus, I was surrounded by family members who quite simply had twists in their senses of humor. So top THAT little Prince George! I’ve loved my life, and Rabbi Kamin encourages us all to get in touch with wonder and gratitude.
And you don’t have to worry when it comes to the section on the funeral industry (Kamin wryly points out… several times… that he’s heard people in the mortuary industry reminding each other: Remember! The first three letters in “funeral” are FUN!). Nothing too gross or unsettling, tho’ every now and then he decries where the industry has gotten all American Fast Food on us. Rather, the people he showcased in the book give the lowdown on the nitty gritty of what happens during the readying process, but they manage to have huge amounts of patience, sympathy, and honest and loving concern for the families and people they help out at truly awful times of life.
You also don’t have to worry that the Rabbi will be cramming his faith down your throat as he covers the funeral/death practices of a few religions, but I strongly suggest listening to this book if you do have a sense of faith or a belief system that could only grow from hearing his words. But if not—that’s okay; you’ll at least learn things like the ultra important: Do NOT ask someone (dying/bereaved) how they’re doing now/today/ANY day. Rather, look at them, really see them, and warmly say, “Hey, I’ve been thinking a lot about you.” For me, a person who is soooo lame when it comes to saying the right thing? That one sentence right there made this book worth the credit.
But mostly what made it worth it was that it came at a time when I could look at my beloved Missy, could know that she’s led a blameless and loving (Not to mention much-loved) life, and could consider that perhaps she was in the best of hands possible and that Grief, shattering though it might feel, did not leave either of us alone. Add to that snippets about what the Rabbi saw and heard after he presided over many deathbeds?
And golly…
Missy, you have all my love, forever and ever…
And Universe? Because of the Rabbi, you have more of my humble heart and gratitude…
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