The Beasts of Vissaria County
By: Douglas Ford / Narrated By: Jenn Lee
Length: 8 hrs and 6 mins
Did I get this on sale? Ah jeez, I’m really hoping I did…
When the only Good Review Blurbs come from other authors? You know you’re in for something iffy.
And I’m thiiiiinking I got The Beasts of Vissaria County on sale, swayed by the blasted cover art and the pittance o’ bucks price tag. Noooo, twas not the Publisher’s Summary, but I kinda sorta recall seeing the cover and thinking: HALLOWEEEEEEN! Southern Gothic! Yay and Huzzah!
Ouch.
It starts well enough with heroine Maggie McKenzie walking with her son through sweltering Florida heat and both of them spying a “ghost” in the window of a derelict house. A face, all off-looking, peering out, restless, unexpected.
I mean, who DOESN’T remember trotting along and looking at an abandoned house, cracked windows and too much imagination, and “seeing” something just way off eerie? And so I thought that author Douglas Ford was going to do what the best horror authors do: Hint, hint mildly, let our waaaay overactive imaginations take over and scare us out of our addled wits.
Alas, that shall not be the case here as Ford, ‘twould appear, does the whole Tells Rather Than Shows thing, like, ALL THE TIME. Add to that? Man, unlikable characters who act way out of the norm, and top it all off with some rather rudimentary writing skills that are sorely lacking (Dude! do NOT time hop so much! Let the story flow without interruptions or people are going to be taken out of the story, and with such poor character development and such paltry “scary” elements, they’re NOT going to be wanting to get back in any time soon).
What we have: On the run from an abusive ex, McKenzie and her son have returned to live with her father EVEN THO’ he’s totally in cahoots with her ex. Like, she wasn’t worried about that?! Then have her, curiosity piqued, breaking and entering into the dilapidated house, SEVERAL times, just kinda sorta on a whim and with no compunction whatsoever. Then have her, “creepy” journal finding its way to her, holding onto said journal, all curiosity-piqued yet again, rather than returning it, throughout the story. Then have her going to the library, cuz she just wants to learn about witches, and lo and behold the librarian just HAPPENS to be an expert on witches.
Throw in Ford’s political rantings (Which are akin to m’ own, but I haaaate fiction taking up clubs to brain the listener over the head with). Top it all off with spooooky supernaturals that leave nothing zip nada to the imagination, and we, my friend, have an eye-roll-inducing snooze fest.
Oh wait, you can’t snooze, exactly, if you’re all riled up and irritated by lackluster writing.
Narrator Jenn Lee does very well as McKenzie, fully inhabiting her, but really: McKenzie does such goshawfully dumb things it was hard to feel for her and her cause cuz I just wanted to throttle her, or at least get SOME sorta reasoning for WHY she did sooo many things throughout this book. Lee couldn’t help on that, and so McKenzie just remained (Well-performed) vapid throughout. Ex comes and tells her to get in the truck that he just stole from her? Hops right in. “Creepy” guy we’re unsure about puking up a bit of finger? Oh my, lemme just take that finger and tuck it into my satchel… I mean who does that?!? Son in danger? Gotta go to the library to find… whaaa? clues? information? whaaa? Lee could NOT get me to like McKenzie as written, plus her other questionable choices re: vocal characterizations like Over The Top Mustache-Twirling Ex didn’t do the telling of this subpar tale any favors. And dearest Papa was all gravelly, even as he finds his Soul and tells McKenzie, “Oops, I think I just told your ex how to find you… so sorry” as author Ford decides at the end to make THAT particular character not so black or white.
>Heavy Sigh<
I tried this Halloween, I SWEAR it. But I’m vaaaastly disappointed as I felt nary a frisson of unease throughout any of my audiobook choices this week. One complete STANDOUT Listen that was super enjoyable but NOT scary. One inCREDibly unfortunate sequel. One Classic Horror where the Monster was a weepy mess.
I’m so sorry, and I know not whom to blame. All I can offer?
Is jeez. Maybe I’ll listen kinda sorta off on the side to Horror throughout the year, keep tabs on something, ANYTHING that even reMOTEly creeps me out.
Then back for Halloween 2023.
My humblest apologies, y’all. This “Southern Gothic” ain’t it…
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