Springtime at the Cider Kitchen

Series: Little Somerby, Book 2

By: Fay Keenan / Narrated By: Julia Franklin

Length: 10 hrs and 55 mins

A delightful Chick-lit romp… hahahaha! But seriously! Nope, this one just isn’t it…

Lemme tell ya: Seasons are BIG when it comes to Chick-lit! Everything is Summer At, Spring At, Christmas At.

So I was tickled to death when I found Springtime at… the Cider Kitchen. I thought it would be all light romance, with maybe some good food thrown in. You know, get your romance ya-yas out all whilst salivating cuz stuff at the Cider Kitchen sounded so good.

Uhm, no…

Okay, so like, it started great. Caroline hooks up with this notorious flirt of a guy, the brother of the man her former sister-in-law just married, and it’s a shameless, no guilt, one night stand. Huzzah, thought I: A woman who knows what she wants, and doesn’t mind making something that could be complicated quite easy instead. Plus, we know there’s going to be a Happily Ever After with this guy, so what’s the harm. All well and good.

Then we get to the next day, and it turns out Jonathan, the dude, has just bought the Cider Kitchen and he offers to make Caroline the manager. Okay, so now they’ll be working together. The sparks will really start to fly, right?

Hmm, well, in a way they do. Cuz see: Both, actually ALL, the characters in this book are total jerks. They’re all argumentative, prickly beyond belief, see insult and plots where none were intended. Now I realize that not all people can be all passive and mealy-mouthed as I am, so yes, there’ll be characters who respond quite differently than I would in any given situation. …But to have ALL of them acting in such a way?

That’s just, at best, lazy writing; at worst, pretty danged feckless writing. Does author Fay Keenan react as her characters do; is that all she knows? Which is exHAUSting as this audiobook is almost twelve freaking hours long. Twelve hours of people taking unholy offense where none was meant. I mean, you pretty much stop rooting for the characters and start wishing them all sorts of mayhem. One feels petty when one wishes only death to all whilst listening to Chick-lit; it’s simply not the waaaay of Chick-lit!

Then again, some of it could’ve been the questionable narration. Don’t get me wrong, as Julia Franklin has a smooth and light voice, and I greatly enjoyed it… until the first screeeeching that Caroline does. After all, the text says things like, “ ‘…’ Caroline retorted” and what Franklin delivers is screeeeching and most certainly way more than a simple “retort.” So I’d sorta listen more closely to the text to pick up on cues that might lead me away from wanting to strangle the character for a strident overreaction.

Alas, yes it might’ve been the narration, but for the most part, these are some obnoxious people. Add to that, Caroline, the strong and sharp cookie, turns into a total idiot when her past comes back to haunt her (And truly, in this day and age, I couldn’t see why she was getting so almighty spastic if it would come to light). She does NOT want the cops involved, as her past would make her look bad. Nope, instead she’d rather become a liar, a thief, a criminal. In short, one doozy of an idiot. That Jonathan discovers what she’s done and sees past the fact that SHE’S BEEN ROBBING HIM AND HIS BROTHER BLIND? (Excuse my screaming, but seriously!) Ludicrous and exasperating and an insult to the listener’s intelligence.

But, it turns out, Jonathan only sees all these horrible things about her and he finds them all… beguiling and charming. Total idiot right there.

Nary a decent person to be found throughout this oh so desperately >Meh< audiobook.

The worst part?

There’s no gosh darned Spring. Seriously, for maybe the last five minutes when all is wrapped up in a tidy little bow.

And THAT, my fellow Accomplice? I simply cannot forgive…