NorthFanger: A Gothic Austen Mash-up
By: Jayne Bamber / Narrated By: Amanda S. Brown
Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
Am I a bad person for not roundly enjoying a good old fashioned Gothic Mashup?
Egads, I know I know I know. I’ve seen the rave reviews, and I’m feeling decidedly old and very much the fuddy duddy. What’s NOT to love whenst Elizabeth Bennet’s cousin is the young and impressionable Cathy Morland? What’s NOT to love when Georgiana Darcy bursts through a plate glass window in an effort to tear out the throat of Lady Catherine de Bourgh? What’s NOT to love when the unctuous and odious Mr. Collins gets his neck snapped oh soooo early on in ANY story?!?
And what is NOT to love when the FABulous Amanda S. (Don’t forget the S!) Brown is narrating?
Okay, maybe it all started going downhill with Brown’s voice for Elizabeth at the very beginning. Lizzie and Cathy are off to the parsonage to visit Charlotte Collins, and as Cathy is getting all excited about Rosings possibly being haunted, about ANYthing possibly being haunted, Elizabeth chides her in a voice that is kinda shrieky. I mean, whaaaa? The ever self-possessed Elizabeth Bennet’s voice is grating to the ears. Oh say it ain’t so! (Fortunately, as the action picks up, Brown’s voice for Elizabeth settles down even as Elizabeth comes into her own more and more).
Then, while I did find it unutterably charming that Georgiana offs Lady Catherine and Mr. Collins, I could NOT get into Colonel Fitzwilliam as being a complete toad (Yes yes yes, I mean NO offense blah blah to toads blah)—He is sooooo angry throughout the near entirety of the story. Why, he sneered as much as Wickham does in any variation. And I can handle only so much sneering before ennui starts to set in.
What it is: Georgiana Darcy has been kidnapped by the vile (And vampiric!) George Wickham (NATurally), and she’s all traumatized and blood lust-y. She’s set free to find and conquer Darcy and All Things Darcy so that Wickham might control Pemberley… nay, the WORLD. So we’ve got a Good vs. Evil setup, doncha know.
Through it all, Cathy Morland is the most delightful of the characters as she’s ever titillated by the oh sooo macabre. Unfortunately for her, NOBODY tells her there are vampires on the loose (What ARE they thinking?!?). Are they trying to spare her the vileness, save her innocence? Whazza? All the while carting Georgiana around in a coffin? Silly writing, in my opinion, and it’s most annoying that all hell is breaking loose as Cathy is traipsing around nonsensically. Still, I did aDORe her excitement and chattering; and it was her innocence rather than Elizabeth’s level head that was the most appealing part of the entire story.
Yes, Elizabeth, who early on dismisses Cathy’s excitement re: ghouls as impossible, is actually in The Know about all things Vampire. I know it’s all very Hush Hush in the Humans v. Vampire World, but a little info to Cathy would not have gone amiss, I don’t think. But ANYway, it turns out that Lizzie is just the person to handle Georgiana, to calm her down, knows to soothingly smear dirt on her to ground her, etc. etc. At first it was charming, then I found myself disliking Lizzie—She’s a little toooo all-knowing. And as Darcy starts falling for her beCAUse she’s all smooth and calm? And as they start lustily glancing at each other and passionately kissing? No, believe it or not, it remained faaaaairly clean and my toes didn’t curl. But noooo, I got all miffed cuz they were doing all of these steamy things whilst blood was hitting the fan. Attention, you two! Must kill vampires; save the heavy petting for later (Like when I’m not listening!).
This worked MUCH better as a Northanger Abbey variation than a P&P one. The characters from that one are so much more vividly written and even, oddly enough, truer to that original. General Tilney as an ominous and enigmatic dour man? Check. Henry Tilney as an earnest young man? Oh check! It’s just that here, he has such a secret to hide. Cathy must make difficult choices even as she careens around wallowing in the gory mayhem. She lops off heads with the best of them, all the while remaining spirited and sweet to the core.
So huzzah for a different twist on Northanger Abbey, but rather dull when it comes to Our Dear Couple. The best part, if we’re going through P&P, is when Colonel Fitzwilliam FINALLY settles down and acts like a warm and loving human being again. Sure, it takes Charlotte danged near dying, but I was so relieved to find my fingers relaxing (They’d been all tense, wanting to throttle him as he kept shouting at everyone in anger and disgust…). I did dearly love Charlotte’s Happily Ever After that came with a twist as the poor creature soooo got screwed by Austen when she was chucked into the arms of Mr. Collins.
Amanda (S!) Brown? Golden once she got past the initial screeching with Elizabeth and onto Cathy’s vivaciousness. And when the gore started flying and blood started to pour? Yesssss! I do so like her as a narrator!
Not sure I’m going to like the other Jayne Bamber I have in my Library (I got it on sale; I canNOT say No to a variation, so sue me!) as, while yes this was sweet and clean, not counting the blood and guts, I am indeed wondering if there’s gonna be all that “passion” in it. I much prefer Lizzie and Darcy in the near-misses and the pining cuz that’s the kind of frustrated git I am. I can relate I s’pose.
Soooo, if you go into this expecting Lizzie as a staunch Vampire Guru, you’ll not be disappointed. If you expect Colonel Fitzwilliam to be the voice of reason he is in the original, you’ll be SOREly disapproving.
-But-
If you dip into this looking for Vampires through the eyes of an Innocent (Cathy), with a bit o’ romance thrown in? And if the lopping of heads is hiLARious (Which I grant you it is)? Look no further and settle on this tidbit of an audiobook.
Cathy Morland never had her hands quite so full nor her mind all a-dither. It’s just that I was so hoping for more clever banter instead of plain ol’ vampires… ho-hum…!
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