Napoleon's Rosebud
By: Humphry Knipe / Narrated By: Mary Jane Wells
Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
Waaaay over the top, in the most delightful of ways!
P’raps I should mention that I’ve been a member of AudiobookBoom! for a bit now, wherein authors, narrators, or some other interested folk offer free copies in exchange for fair and honest reviews. I’ve done a few books this way, but I’ve gotta tell ya: I’m a sucker, and when I think someone’s feelings are at stake, I have a tendency of making my reviews a trifle nicer than I normally would. Still, I’ve been able to try a variety of genres that I otherwise wouldn’t have, had I had a credit of my own at stake for purchase.
But when I saw this, Napoleon’s Rosebud, as an offering, and saw that it was narrated by freaking Mary Jane Wells?!!!!? Well, I didn’t let the cheesy cover put me off, I applied for a free copy.
And didn’t hear back. And my anxiety disorder kicked in, and I automatically started thinking I was deemed unworthy and unwanted. Still, it’s freaking Mary Jane Wells we’re talking about, and the Regency era, and so I went and got the audiobook cheap via Kindle Unlimited whisper sync. So, what I’m saying is: I don’t HAVE to put the: I received a free copy of this book at my request in exchange for a fair and honest review disclaimer. And I can write the review any flipping way I so choose.
And it’s freaking Mary Jane Wells!!!
She takes this jaunty and somewhat ribald tale of author Humphry Knipe’s ancestor quite possibly hooking up with Napoleon in his last days during his exile on St. Helena, and she turns it into a veritable delight! Only Mary Jane Wells can be speaking in a measured tone then switch it up with a loud belch as one of the St. Helena natives, speaking “Yamstock”, delivers his crude remarks about Napoleon and his sister. She takes each character and I tell ya, the way she narrates? Each one is fully-fleshed out, living and breathing, such a character to remember. There’s NEVER any confusion in who’s speaking at any given time, and that’s quite a feat here because there are a multitude of individuals, both those historical and those, quite possibly, fictionalized.
And these characters get into so many scrapes and schemes, I had to Google the bejesus outta everyone to see who actually was real, a mover and a shaker, during the time. That’s saying a lot, when a story inspires you to want to learn as much as possible about everything.
19 then 20-year old Charlotte Knipe, the most beautiful of the yamstocks, catches the eye of the morose but not comPLETEly defeated Napoleon, and since she’s had stars in her eyes about him since, like, forEVER, she’s quickly drawn into his plans to escape from the little island he deems a dung heap. She delivers messages from him to Liberals in England, all seeking to have them come to make his daring escape. He kvetches and moans about how the governor of the island, Sir Lowe (real) is treating him, hoping to earn him the sympathy of the rest of the world. Along the way, Charlotte meets with individuals like Lord Byron (In a raunchy tumble where she comes out STILL a virgin, thank you very much), and she witnesses new-fangled contraptions such as a submarine that will spirit Napoleon away, away, farrrr away from such an impoverished island.
The writing is top notch fun; it’s a tight 7 hours and 40 minutes, nothing wasted, and no extra fluff and filler.
One thing I will say tho’ is that it can be quite raunchy. Napoleon is a horny goat, well, pretty much all the exiled men, whether they be Napoleon’s loyal companion exiles on St. Helena, or Charlotte’s one true love Daniel, far from home and doing an apprenticeship in botany in England, ALL of them are horny goats. And Charlotte is quite lusty indeed (Though she will point out that her virginity remains intact after each brush with horny goats, as she’s saving herself for Daniel). Plus, Charlotte has that yamstock potty mouth thing going. Now y’all know I’m a total prude when it comes to my much-loved romances, but I wasn’t offended in the least by all the sexual escapades and blathering going on; rather, I was tickled pink. It’s all so very funny, especially as voiced by Mary Jane Freaking Wells.
Definitely a keeper, with aaaaall sorts of twists and turns, and mind games being played as Napoleon will EVER love a good conquest. Whether he’s trying to escape an island, trying to drive the island’s governor to madness, trying to bed a voluptuous young woman. You name it, and he’s up for that game. Throw in an opportunity to duel for a lady’s honor, and the whole kitchen sink was thrown into the writing of this.
And there you have it: My fair and honest review. And I don’t think I hurt anyone’s feelings…!
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