Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife: Pride and Prejudice Continues
By: Linda Berdoll / Narrated By: Rosalyn Landor
Length: 28 hrs and 4 mins
Uhm, there’s sex… and more sex… and more sex… and in trying to uncurl my toes, I think I lost consciousness…
Just an Up Front: I would NEVER write about an Accomplice Fave in the following manner. However, if that Accomplice happens to be a good good very good friend? I think I CAN say:
Jiminy H. Freaking Hell Crickets, woman! Get your mind outta the gutter!!!
It’s like this, see…
The story, this very long story, this 28+ hours story, opens with Elizabeth in embarrassment refusing a pillow for her backside. ‘Twould appear that Darcy went at her with too much enthusiasm on their wedding night.
Toes curling right THERE!
Now forgive me, but I’m trying to remember what the plot was cuz, see, I think my mind has repressed soooo many many MANY images that rattled this poor Prude of a Mind I have. To the point where I had to crawl m’ way over to Amazon to see what-all was said in the Publisher’s Summary to kinda jostle my memory.
As it turns out, there’s not much more than a few lines about their passionate relationship, and uhm, yeh, I think it was all about passion. I dunno, I think my eyes are crossed at the moment, hindering my ability to see straight and do things like focus on words. But if I squint my eyes juuuust so? I think a reviewer said the word Sexy in there, so there’s that.
What’s in here? Well, there ARE side-plots like a kidnapping of Elizabeth where Darcy barrels in in the nick of time and summarily snuffs the life outta her abductors. There’s Lydia not being satisfied with Wickham’s One-and-Done, and Jane not being satisfied at all (She’s too shy, and Bingley doesn’t know her bum from her elbow). There’s Georgiana doing the dirty before the wedding banns can be read (Fortunately author Linda Berdoll only tells us that, not shows us, thank sweet merciful gosh).
But there IS a fun bit about the fate of Mr. Collins and Charlotte. Okay, I’m really, really, reeeeally trying hard here…
And things start becoming something other than about sex betwixt Darcy and Elizabeth…
It’s just that it takes the Battle of Waterloo and carnage and bloodshed and mayhem to pause their rutting like goats.
Aside from Darcy coming off as an older, OLDER man every now and again, Rosalyn Landor (As usual) is fantastic as narrator. Perfect vocal characterizations for all the women, nifty ones for all the men, with wonderful accents for the many many and varied side characters who step into the plot, when there was a, uhm, plot. Plus, she starts interjecting notes of horror when we get into the Battle of Waterloo (For another AWEsome depiction of the carnage there, listen to Pemberley to Waterloo by Anna Elliott!). Landor can always be counted on for a grand narration, it’s just that, uhm, she groaned and gasped and writhed a lot here… and she seeeemed to do it so shaaaamelessly. Good for her, but good cow and holy heck to m’ poor ears, and the imagery that popped into m’ poor aching head…
Okay, so my dear dear DEAR Accomplice friend and writing buddy, she who I say classes up any joint she happens to be in… Well, I did it, just for you, dear friend. You named it, I did it, all 28 hours of me swooning (Forget about the characters in a swoon, I WAS THE ONE PASSING OUT). And you know I do sooo love P&P variations, sooo…
Hmmm.
Where is the laudanum when you’re in desperate need, when your toes are cramped in a curl?
Gotta go; I think I have the vapors.
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