Granted
By: John David Anderson / Narrated By: Cassandra Morris
Length: 7 hrs and 26 mins
Okay, yes a bit o’ shame attached to this as I haaaated it…
What started out as an immediately tedious listen quickly morphed into desperately annoying and wound up as being something I could NOT finish fast enough. Why’s that? you ask. Plus: Aren’t you, Gillian, just a triiiiifle outside the intended targeted audience’s age group (Only by about 44 years, give or take a gazillion and six….)? And let’s just throw in: Why’d you even buy it? while we’re at it…
Got it cuz o’ the AWEsome cover art! Author John David Anderson had me at dog with a happy curling tail. Certainly this would be a story of an earnest young Fairy getting help and finding friendship along the way. Which it kinda sorta is, but from the get-go there are a PLEthora of details details details in our Earnest Young Fairy’s day.
Our heroine is Ophelia Delphinium Fidgets, and she’s a Granter—some Fairies have the job of going out into the world of Humans to give ‘em what they wished for. In Ophelia’s case, the inexperienced thing is sent out loaded for bear to grant one Kasarah Quinn’s wish; a new bike, purple please, to replace the one that was stolen. Okay, I’m annoyed with all the tedious world building that went on for soooo long prior to her trip, but now that she’s on her way? It’ll be awesome, right?
Not so fast. Immediately Ophelia goes against regulations, thinking she knows better, and she flies up where she has a run in with a plane. And it all goes downhill oh so very quickly from there, with one death-defying escape after another. And she complains the whole way through. Which soooo had me wanting to strangle her.
Even when Sam the wonder-underdog shows up, can Ophelia feel gratitude for friendship? Oh noooo, of COURSE not. After yet aNOTHer escape (This time from the clutches of a prey bird), she’s saved by the heroic efforts of Sam who swims mightily to help her and take her back to safety. As she lies against him, safe at last and beneath the beauty of a tree full of fragrant cherry blossoms, does she take it all in, and delight in ANYthing? Nope, all she smells is Wet Dog, and she’s disgusted.
And so it goes for eeeeons, with Ophelia taking risk after ill-considered risk, griping the whole time. There are truly delightful things that Sam says regarding friendship and helping others, but as far as our heroine goes there’s very little wisdom coming out of her mouth. Soon, she does indeed start to consider worthiness after she finds Kasarah’s wish nickel in the hands of young Gabe and Anna, a pair of kidlets who are sorely missing their dad (Serving in Iraq). But I haaaated how this was all written because their Mom is doing the best that she can, raising the two kids by herself while their rundown house falls apart around them. When they want to keep Sam, she sorta snaps and says she just can’t manage a single ‘nother thing. Gabe spews venom that “If DAD was here, HE’D let them keep” the dog. And naturally, when we go through the way wishes SHOULD be granted, we’re treated to DAD being the nice one and adding to poor Mom’s burdens. Crappy way to end the story (Okay okay Minor Spoiler okay, but really, you’re reading this instead of your 7-year old, and I’m just telling you that Sure Enough, Dad is the Hero, all while Mom’s been keeping body and breath together).
Usually I’m so THERE when Cassandra Morris is narrating; she’s done some AWEsome audiobooks, and one is somewhat assured of a stellar performance. Alas, she’s too good here as she gripes and whines and complains her way through the extent of this story. I was totally ready for the ol’ Ice Pick to the Ear Routine as I listened to Ophelia grumble and grouse her way through situations that were pretty much of her own making. This is in NO way enough to turn me off another of Ms. Morris’s narrations, but this one hurt m’ ears. It’s always unfortunate when a performance is hindered by the text.
No, not for me, but I should add that this wasn’t loathed by the others in our little audiobook club. There was indeed some hesitation regarding Ophelia’s temperament, but when all was said and done, my Mom liked it quite well indeed. And that says a lot cuz the dear woman was having the week from Hell, so it’s nice that there was an appreciated audiobook to help rather than hinder her days.
Got another of Anderson’s offerings in my Library, and I must say I’m a tad worried. I’ve gotta admit that the man can come up with a good premise, but I wonder if that other book will be lacking in compelling characters as well. I s’pose I’ll find out, huh?
-BUT- I do believe it’ll be a loooooong time before I get around to it cuz Granted has me feeling Gut Shy…
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