Finding Freedom: How Death Row Broke and Opened My Heart
By: Jarvis Jay Masters / Narrated By: Dion Graham
Length: 4 hrs
In a Bad Place? There’s ALWAYS Jarvis Jay Masters
I dunno; I’m doing plenty of things to move Forward, One Step at a Time. Life is good.
Still, ya ever find yourself in a funk?
THAT’S why I HAD to (Gently) herald in Black History Month with Jarvis Jay Masters and his work Finding Freedom. If this was anything neeeear as beautiful, as inspiring as The Buddhist on Death Row, where I found myself feeling such Beauty in everything, such Gratitude for everything? Where I found myself feeling, well, just Infinite?
Oh gosh, yessss, time to listen to this collection of writings.
Expect the brutality of hopelessness within the walls of San Quentin; expect the violence of what individuals without Hope can do, how they can behave, the choices they make when treated as just so many beasts. And DO expect complete and unutterable Beauty from the pen of Masters.
There are stories of his horrific childhood, memories ingrained in his mind, the sounds of his terrified mother being beaten, of fist beating on flesh, the sounds of her broken and bloody body as she crawled from the next room to see if her children remained hidden under the bed, to see if her children remained alive. This is the crack addict mother who cannot take care of Jarvis or his siblings; but she’s the mother who would die for them despite her shortcomings.
She’s the mother Jarvis loves. And forgives.
She’s the mother who died while he was in prison serving time on Death Row.
Jarvis (May I call you Jarvis? I feel so very much for you, sir…) writes stories of his upbringing on violent streets, of love accidentally found then lost (An elderly foster couple who had to give him up due to illness, and to whom he ran to find again and again until Put Away… For His Own Safety…); he writes of the horrible things, the pain in his early life that he’s learned to sit with, to embrace.
And he writes of finding a sort of freedom through his practice as a Buddhist, the meditation he does all whilst sitting in the cigarette smoke-filled cacophony found in stints of various areas he’s forced to do time in within the walls of SQ. Sometimes he finds himself frustrated and angry, the man in the cell next to his bellowing and hassling him, all for a cigarette; but then he pauses and finds peace, offers some loose tobacco and a sheet of rolling paper which is a page taken out of a Thich Nhat Hanh book. Jarvis becomes a conduit for the Universe at that moment, giving what’s bellowed for yes, but also offering the possibility of Peace as well.
He often wonders if it’s possible to be Buddhist in prison, or is he simply hiding out, stuffing his time deep down within himself. But then something will happen, guards will set the inmates up by throwing an openly transgender prisoner into The Yard, knowing the individual will be stabbed sooner rather than later—giving guards the opportunity to shoot someone. And Jarvis? Seeing what’s unfolding, seeing a fellow inmate who is usually open and gregarious suddenly shut down, eyes turned flat and ice-cold, seeing this man slip a knife hidden in a jacket sleeve into the palm of his hand, start walking to who will soon be his victim? Jarvis runs between the two, makes an offhand comment, just brings a dawning human light back to his friend’s eyes.
-Or- when the inmates are treated inhumanely, way too inhumanely, by jaded and cold guards, Jarvis twists their intents to get even, to stab, maim, to kill/murder, into a plot to stuff towels down the toilets, causing flooding, causing the guards to have to stay late and miss 4th of July plans. Yes. It DOES mean Jarvis is placed in The Hole, for god knows how long. Yes. He HAS earned the wrath of the guards. BUT.
He’s just saved their lives. And for that he’s supremely grateful.
Dion Graham Knocks. This. Outta the park! SUPERB narration as he captures every single nuanced thought, feeling, quandary that Jarvis experiences. Jarvis has suuuuch a way with word-crafting, with putting down exACTly what he’s going through, the mental juggling, the spiritual tweaking, the epiphanies, the sadness. And Graham delivers every single bit with respect and an emotionally evocative performance. I know I know I know: I’ve TOTALLY gotta get over his warbled attempts at singing in that damnable audiobook Another Country (And I know I know I know: It’s James Freaking Baldwin… but dude! it’s a horror show of hatred and spewed venom… so there you are…). There is nooo singing in Finding Freedom, so big ol’ relieved PHEW. But there’s sooo much more that Graham delivers in a No-Nonsense fashion. Jarvis’s bloody mother on the floor? Graham conveys a child’s horror at seeing the blood smeared on the floor as she dragged herself to see her children, her eyes beaten shut, her lip dangling. Jarvis’s newfound experiences of freedom? Graham conveys just how AWEsome the man is, not only to be able to shut out the chaos of San Quentin, but to also open up to everything in its walls, to every person he meets with love and acceptance.
Drop dead hard-hitting experience this was. Expert writing, and what a man.
What a Soul.
Beauty within San Quentin.
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