Failure Is an Option: An Attempted Memoir
Written and Narrated By: H. Jon Benjamin
Length: 4 hrs and 58 mins
A Review of Warning for the Faint-Hearted… :)
It all started like this, see. My mom texted our little audiobook club that her house was now minus one (newly and now very dead) mosquito. Rather than text back something about Bad Karma, I had to say that I was faaaaaar toooo busy dying laughing to send her a Squid’s Eye text. That said, the other two members of our club (I did mention that it was small, right?) were all agog to ask WHAT I was listening to.
I answered, but I felt I had to make absoLUTEly sure that I’d warned: IT’S TASTELESS!
I’d been listening to Failure Is an Option, an attempt at a memoir by H. Jon Benjamin who narrates this also.
So to Moms everywhere, this is what you’ll get when (IF) you give this a Listen: Tasteless perverse jokes, mockery and satire that borders on the offensive (Presidents’ pets who are into extermination of other species they deem inferior, who jump the fence and have children from unwilling other participants, who categorize other species as 3/5 of an individual… and here I’ve gotta say that while I did appreciate that Presidents were skEEEWEred for obscene behavior and sensibilities, I didn’t laugh so much as cringe. Was all that the epitome of tasteless, or was it toooo soooon?!?), and diarrhea jokes.
But dude, the man has a serious cause of Colitis, which in his youth got him the solace and isolation he so desired but left his rental car a mess in later life (Okay, gross out humor also, but MAN did I laugh!!!).
Also to DIE FOR: The gem in the rough of a Chinese restaurant which caused a supreme battle of wills between father and son. Oh GOD! I was lollygagging on the bed with a cat on my chest who got all disgruntled with the fact that my chest was heaving as I brayed and cried with laughter.
Make no mistake, I cringed mightily throughout this audiobook of vast anecdotes of failure after failure. As part of a duo doing standup at an open mic place, Benjamin gets the brilliant idea to pay two male escorts to perform sex acts onstage as their gig in place of his partner and himself. Who WOULDN’T love that, he wonders? I mean, pretty much everybody will be disgusted, but four or five people in the audience might be thrilled! This all winds up costing beaucoup bucks, as opposed to the paltry $20 the two comedians will be earning, buuuuut…. It all makes perfect sense to Benjamin at the time… right?!
Expect failures in launching a Kids Show that’s supposed to delight their parents as well (It does NOT), adoring fans whoooo… sneak him free porn at the hotel he’s staying at (He watches cuz he doesn’t want to disappoint his fans), coming face to face with possible violent death (He and his girlfriend are on the trip of a boring lifetime and discover a steaming pile of fresh bear scat… where’s the bear? Run, run, run awaaaay!!!), becoming a new father with trips to the park where he finds himself judging toddlers to be douchebags in training, all whilst not noticing that his own child is eating dog crap.
Oh, you name it, he’s failed at it all.
I’d never heard of Benjamin before, but I was soooo taken with the title, I bought it immediately, and after all the Self-Development Listens this week that I chose, which were supposed to inspire and reassure, I’d thought this look at what awaits all those who Try would be a good way to end the week.
Oh boy! As it’s enTIREly anecdotal, no words of wisdom to be found ANYwhere, this might be disappointing. Plus, I did have to speed the narration up most mightily since Benjamin has a Douchebag Drawl. The guy is most sinCEREly a Loser Extraordinaire. But what can I say?
A disco ball for his bar mitzvah of a Lifetime, where the One Night He Will NOT Get Beaten Up for Digging Disco? And his parents hire an easy-listening Oldies DJ? The TRAGEDY! He finally finds his True Family in the Neighbors Down the Way, and then he sits there with a glass of milk as the family is robbed blind? It just too bad! His foray into a threesome kinky sex? And he sits in horror, making awkward pawing motions then gulps a baleful cry before hurtling himself into a shower cuz he canNOT get clean after such a thing? Oh my, growing up and growing older has NOT brought wisdom or confidence!
See? Crude, tasteless, messy.
But after sooo much positivity and inspiration?
This was a real treat, and I tittered helplessly. Ticked off my cats to no end, but…
When ya gotta spew spit whilst experiencing belly laughs? Well, ya just gotta spew!
Sorry, Bitty…!
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