Don’t Ever Get Old

Series: Buck Schatz, Book 1

By: Daniel Friedman / Narrated By: Nick Sullivan

Length: 8 hrs and 1 min

Fairly enjoyable Listen, but WHOOPSIE! did I miss the mark on this one, or what?!?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! to Expectations, ya know?

I’m coming up on a Week of Cozy(ish) Mystery Listens, am currently doing a Winter / Life’s Winter newsletter, and coming upon Don’t Ever Get Old by author Daniel Friedman in m’ Library just hit me. As in: Oh dude! I can get a bit of a mystery ya-ya out early with an old dude ex-detective at the helm -PLUS- when I say old: Hero Buck Schatz is 87! LIFE’S WINTER, m’ friend! One. Single. Audiobook does double-duty, huzzah!

What could be cozier ‘n a crotchety old coot teaming up with his grandson and going on a madcap caper?!

Uhm… oh my how wrong I was!

There’s absoLUTEly nothing cozy about Buck; no charm, not a single smidgen of warmth. And oh, those bodies that are always turning up in Mysteries? The ones that are Bit Players in Cozies and come and go with nary any angst? Well here?

Uhm (again!)… Blood! Guts! Dismemberment! GORE!

Violence aBOUnds in this little ol’ audiobook!!!

87-year old ex-Memphis detective Buck Schatz is summoned to the deathbed of a former fellow inmate at a brutal Nazi POW Camp. This old geezer, about to croak, has a confession to make: The head of the Camp who absolutely brutalized Buck? Well, he did NOT die as all thought. Nope, actually said Deathbed Geezer saw the On-The-Run ex-Nazi, and he didn’t turn him in. Nay, he took bars of Nazi gold in exchange for the man’s safe passage. The confession now uttered—with shame and vehemence, he settles back into his hospital bed, waiting for absolution.

Buck tells him to rot in hell instead. And so things are off all nice and jaunty-like, you see.

But that bit about millions of dollars worth of Nazi gold being stashed somewhere was divulged to others as well, and soon a mad, desperate, violent hunt for it is underway by all and sundry. When Buck’s grandson, Tequila (Frat nickname given instead of his middle name of Tecumseh) starts Googling the beJESus outta remembered stats and names, Buck and Tequila join in as well.

And those bloodied and dismembered corpses start turning up, following everywhere the dynamic and squabbling pair have been, leading a Memphis detective (Who loooooathes Buck) on a merry chase after them.

Throughout this entire story, Buck shows not even an iota of affection for anyone. I s’pose Friedman was going for “hardboiled” detective now in his latter years, and how that would look, but it truly makes for a difficult journey. Tequila is desperate for Buck’s approval, and all Buck has for him is negativity with snaps, snarls, mean-spirited jabs, the frequent low-blow. Why on earth Tequila would WANT to go on this journey with Buck is beyond me. I mean, I applaud the concept of a Hero feeling his mortality, one who’s having a dickens of a time coming to terms with Life and Good Health creeping out the door, with the world continuing to spin without him.

But does he have to be such a CONSTANT A**hole?!

Sure sure sure, I ALSO applauded every biting comeback Buck had whenst in the jaws of mortal danger, and I thought it hiLARious how he’d light up a Lucky Strike cuz he just wanted a cigarette, cuz he just wanted to distress whomever, cuz he was just an ornery old cuss. I liked how his wife could rein him in, and I was vaaastly relieved for a moment’s warmth where a tear was danged near shed after an admission to his grandson, but…

Thaaaat was it. Mostly it was just hard to root for a guy, clever as all get-out but so dratted hard to feel any warmth for.

Nick Sullivan? Ahhhh, I really SHOULDA taken notice when I saw that he was narrating this Mystery as the one performance I AM familiar with of his thus far was the drop dead stunning Fives and Twenty-Fives. Any person who is capable of delivering Life After War, Carrying Soul and Moral and Physical Injuries is a force to be reckoned with. And no fuzzy stuff in THAT one, I assure you, so how on earth I was expecting Buck to be anything BUT hardboiled and biting is beyond me at this point. Here, he delivers steel and nails and In Your Face Grit. So while I may, p’raps, feel a trifle Off about Buck as Written? Buck as Delivered is a force to be reckoned with, esPECially when Buck feels imminent decrepitude and incapacitation and mortality in general looming. The F-Yous fly fast and furious (Oh yeh: If you find the occasional F-bomb offensive… stay away, ya know?), and there’s no such thing as an Apologetic Buck.

Jolly decent little Listen clocking in at only 8-hours, jam-packed with action and yeh yeh yeh gore and snapped tempers. But it sooo wasn’t what I was expecting, and that’s totally on me. After all, I just glanced at the Publisher’s Summary, saw Buck’s age, made a pile o’ ridiculous assumptions based upon past experiences of elderly main characters being spunky and adorable, and I dived in from that starting point.

So make of that what you will, with the final bit being: For a Mystery? It was long on suspects but a weeee bit short on twists and turns. A perfectly believable “Reveal” tho’ just this side of lazy (As in: I’m About To Kill You So I’ll Tell You ExACTly How I Did It). Stellar narration. Tidbits of wry and bitter humor that were greatly appreciated.

But will I go on to the next in the series?

Uhm (I KNOW, I’ve really gotta get rid o’ that particular tic)…

…I’m pretty sure it’s a reSOUNding noooo…