Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition
By: Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler / Narrated By: Joseph Grenny
Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
These just might be the Conversations we’re having now at home as well as work…
It’s like this, see. We’re all stuck in this pandemic together, and some of us are sheltering in place alone, and some of us are sheltering with other people. The lucky ones who are still employed are working remotely with equally stressed people; and millions of the “unlucky” are finding themselves unemployed and wondering how to make rent, put food on the table, and god almighty what if they get sick?
Stress stress stress
It means tension is high, and our emotions miiiiight be having their way with us more easily as we’re susceptible to racing thoughts, and to wild projections (Which, as the situations continues to evolve, might not be so wild after all).
So here I am, with the opportunity of doing Professional Development at home, and lemme tell ya: I’m living in a verrrrrry small apartment with my husband, a man who just happens to NOT be me but is rather himself. This makes us two different people, meaning two different viewpoints, two different styles of communicating, two quite possibly different wants and needs. Enter Crucial Conversations as one of my choices to study for Professional Development; I mean, DUH! Can conversations get more crucial during a pandemic?
Crucial conversations are those we have where opinions differ, and the stakes are high. Plus, we may not be at our most emotionally stable when they start, making us feel ambushed and caught off guard. The very many authors here, in this Second Edition, bring to bear decades of experience, and studies of competent people, and oodles of anecdotes sent in by individuals who used the principles and found success in stressful situations.
I’m not going to go into the mighty list of what-all steps are done, that would make for an unbeLIEVably long review, but hopefully I’m giving you a good gist of it when I say that one of the key elements is to keep the environment and the words feeling safe for the other individuals. You start with facts, not attacks, and you clarify from there. NOT: You’re so unreliable, but: You’ve been late three days in a row; has something been coming up that’s keeping you from these meetings. And then you might add: I like your work, but it’s just this one area that’s causing concern.
Too easy? Well, I agree. At least, however, the authors have a few case studies where the conversations went off the rails into vitriol (Muuuuuch more realistic!), and showed individuals backpedaling (And you should apologize sincerely if you’re wrong, went at things in the wrong way), thinking about what they really wanted from not only the conversation but from the relationship as a whole as well. What do you want from the relationship, and how would you behave as if you really wanted that. The authors humorously advise us to ask: How would I look if “60 Minutes” just filmed me talking and behaving that way?
What I got out of it that’ll be useful for the population I work with is that sometimes crucial conversations don’t succeed, but you go at it anyway, you work the steps, and you offer the conversation repeatedly (I’m thinking of with teenagers, right?). You’re showing the other person you care, that you’re listening, that you’ll be there, and when you offer then back off, you’re showing the person (Again: TEENAGER!!!) that you respect their boundaries. The authors found eVENtual success in this manner, so when… IF… I’m able to get back to work with my surly teenaged lasses, I feel like I have some tools for tackling what could be heated areas of conflict.
In the meantime? Well, I now have the tools for living in a very tiny space with a man who has an outsized personality. We’re not arguing about toilet paper waste, but as unique individuals, we go about conversations in a different manner.
Soooo…. it’s more like: You’re making Brussel sprouts again?! Jeez, this place stinks!
Soooo… Stop. Make sure emotions aren’t getting the better of one. State a fact. Offer a sincere comment based on facts.
…and nuke the danged Brussel sprouts anyway…!
Good book!
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