Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates

Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates: A Book of Hope for Those Who Have Lost a Pet

By: Gary Kurz / Narrated By: Chris Sorensen

Length: 8 hrs and 37 mins

If you believe in Heaven, and you’re ADAMANT Evolution is a vast conspiratorial lie, then you’ll enjoy this book

I was born and raised Catholic, went to a Catholic kindergarten (Boy, nuns can be crotchety!), and tho’ I stay the heck away from Catholicism as it is practiced today, I gotta admit that no, I don’t really believe in Heaven. But yes, I do kinda sorta believe in Heaven. So there you go.

Thus, when hit by the double losses of Wootie and The Miss, you’d better believe I snapped up Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates in search of definitive proof that even The Church was onboard with me seeing my fuzzy beloveds again. Especially since I quite enjoyed Biblical Proof Animals Do Go to Heaven, I was really looking forward to hearing what Biblical scholar Gary Kurz had to say.

Uhm… he says a LOT… about Evolution. Gets quite crotchety about Darwin not being all definitive whereas AAAALLLL the stories in the Bible have to be true because those authors say they’re true; they don’t mess around with language such as: It could be; It might be that, and such all. Darwin simply shoulda said No Really; This is What DEFinitely Happened and I Mean It! So Kurz starts the book off with a tirade and many, many rabbit holes. So much so that I was wondering if I’d accidentally purchased something from the wrong section, like maybe Science and Technology and not Spirituality.

What kept me going (Cuz really, I have no problem thinking that God chose evolution as the way for the planet to grow and go forth and multiply… Truly, why not?) was that Kurz’s efforts and research were inspired by his deep grief over losing his much-loved Chihuahua, Pebbles. He, like anyone who’s lost a pet but has been around Holy-Rollers, was met with condescending, insensitive, or just plain sneering comments about It’s Not Like They Have Souls, and It’s Just a Dog. He set forth on his studies with the same goal I had in mind when I picked up this audiobook: To find peace and comfort through ancient wisdom.

And I’ll say this for him: He was verrrry open with how he thought it could go either way, and he’s such a Believer that he was willing to put away the thought of seeing Pebbles again if the Bible told him that it was a No Go. Fortunately for him (Especially as he’s written SEVeral followup books on pet loss!), his dearly-held faith was rewarded with a plethora of examples that he feels are absolute proof. (And to be honest, to me the most compelling one comes from Revelations where it says that “all the creatures in heaven”, as though they’re already there).

I must quibble with a few things, however. Such as Adam giving animals their names and Kurz says that Adam must’ve had a reason for “Aardvark” as though Adam spoke English. Things like that always make me scratch my head in dismay. And there are a few of those.

Add to that Chris Sorensen narrates this, and you’ve got an audiobook that does a little bit of sneering, a little bit of whining, a little bit of pontificating. Sorensen, if you’ll note, narrated The Winter Fortress, and if you check my review, you’ll see that I found his delivery to be the weakest part of the effort. His odd cadence, that sneer/whine/pontification lilt really detracted from that book’s action and excitement. And here it kinda makes Kurz come off as a bit of a smug and all-knowing jerk every now and again.

All in all, I did find comfort here, tho’ it was by the fact that one of the very special animals Kurz mentions is named Missy.

I may not believe in Catholicism, but I don’t believe in mere “coincidences” either.

Love you, Missy. See you soon.